I’m struggling. I’m struggling to walk in humility and by the Spirit. Struggling to accept the cross and not jump on it in rejection. Struggling to lose myself in God.
It seems as though no more than an hour passes after a quiet moment with the Father than I am returning to my own way, my own desires. I’m living for the praise of men, even in what God has instructed me to do!
I know the need for the cross. I understand the reason, and I comprehend the value. Yet I fail to live the message I share. I’m failing to sacrifice all God has instructed me to. God has told me: “this is the cross that I have chosen for you.” But now I come to the end of a day and look back and realize how many times I rejected the cross without even recognizing it for what it was.
That all may sound hopeless. To some readers, it may come as a surprise. But I’m not in a state of depression. This is truly where I’m at. It’s not hopeless, however. It turns my eyes to the One and Only Hope.
When I come to the end of a day, and I see and sense acutely my failures and missed opportunities, it is harsh reminder. I can strive on my own. I can ‘be good,’ win the approval of men, appear to all to be a ‘true christian.’ I can do that all on my own power. Yet in doing so I’m kicking the ball into my own home goal, scoring points for the opposing team. I’m nowhere near hitting the target. I have fallen short of the glory of God.
It is only in the reliance on the Spirit that I can retain a godly focus and response. It is only through reliance on the Spirit that I can even choose to bear the cross. Choose the route of humility. If I go by my own strength, the harder I try, the more I drown. I am hopeless. Defeated. Good as dead. Except for the grace of Jesus that does not forsake me, even in my sin.
Faith in the grace of God is what will save me. Resting on His promise that He will finish the work in me that He started. And a reliance on His power to humble me and allow me to choose His will. Belief that He loves enduringly, and will never forsake me, even should I forsake Him. Therein lies my hope. Solely founded on the grace of God, and His love. He has paid the cost for my unrighteousness, and now seeks to purify me from it!
And all of you in a place like I have been, overwhelmed by your failure and pride: rest in this hope. That no one can snatch you from His hand. No, not even yourself. Admit your faults, recognize them, as the Father does, but believe that He will purify you, make you white as snow, in His perfect timing, and His perfect way. Trust and obey, for there is no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.